Get to know your disease

Perhaps it’s because it’s still early days for me, or perhaps it’s because I don’t feel I have enough to do already, but I thought I’d share something with all of you.

If you haven’t heard of Coursera, it is this fantastic resource for post secondary education from some of the world’s top universities (see? Told you I was a bit of a nerd). Coming up October 28th, a five week course on Diabetes: Diagnosis, Treatment, and Opportunities.  This is being presented by the University of California San Francisco.

Whether you’re a veteran to being diabetic (both Type 1 and 2 are discussed over the course of five weeks), a newbie, such as myself, or you care about someone who has been diagnosed with the “D”, this may prove to be of interest.  And since it’s free, why not take a look?

Or if that’s too heavy of a subject, The University of Rochester is bringing back its course on the History of Rock, Part 1 starting September 2nd!  🙂


Sometimes, you’re just too tired to come up with a clever post title.

The last week and a half has been something of a holding pattern for me.

Through it, I’ve been reading other people’s blogs, making the odd comment here and there and generally have been feeling sorry for myself.

But today, something happened.  I can’t say it changed the roller coaster of emotions I’ve been feeling, but it put things to perspective, at least for the moment.

The last few days have been spent dealing with a horrific bout of lethargy and exhaustion.  I think it can be attributed to my not having done much walking lately, plus I’ve been feeling a wee bit under the weather.  I also think it’s because of this oh woe is me thing that I’ve been wallowing in.  So along with the lethargy and being totally zapped of any energy, I’m forgetting everything.  Monday, it was forgetting to leave out a back up laptop for a co-worker.  Tuesday I couldn’t remember to get half of the tasks I needed to get done a work completed.  Today though… I forgot supplements and my glucometer at home.  Doh!

I knew full well that I wasn’t getting enough food into my system.  I could sense my BS dipping.  I had that horrible light-headed feeling that comes right before the room starts to spin and the floor sways under your feet and that’s when it hit me.  All of those blogs that I read, ones that focus on a life diabetic and are predominantly Type 1, that talk about the struggles with maintaining that balance, getting that perfect reading, counting carbs and the like.  The ones that women are trying so hard to get their BG and A1c levels to a “normal” level so they can try and make perfect little babies.  Those folks?  They can’t forget their glucometers at home.  I realised that, even though I have this amazingly captacular disease, there are those that have it worse than me.

My struggles are in coming to terms with my having the ‘betes.  Others struggle with not just coming to terms with it, but also with the desire to do things that normal people do – like have babies.

My petulance can sometimes shock even me, and today was one of those days.

So while there will still be moments of petulance, moments of self pity, I truly hope this is a turning point for me.  And while there are many people to thank, there is one in particular that I feel I need to acknowledge.

Sarah Wainwright writes a beautiful blog.  She’s Type 1 and she finds the positive even in the darkest situations.  Her faith sustains her and even though I will never meet her, her kinds words soothed a very ravaged soul this week.  Wise beyond her years, through Sarah’s writing, I know I will learn much.

So Sarah, if you read this, thank you.  I hope you know you have the power to change people for the good. 🙂


And only surrender will help you now…

Music, for me, has always been a sort of salvation.  I am not an eloquent writer, nor am I artistic or talented enough to compose or play an instrument, but thankfully, there are many who are.

At times, I’ve tried to imagine what the soundtrack of my life would be.  It generally changes to what I may be listening to at any one given moment, but I would like to think that I can pick out a few now that would make absolutely no difference how popular or hip or whatever a song may be.

When things are particularly dark for me, this is one of those songs that starts to pull me out of my funk.

Lacey Sturm is the powerhouse belting out the vocals on this track, although she has since left Flyleaf to pursue other opportunities.  Taking a look at her website has given me just a little more hope: No matter who you are, what you believe, what you do or what you have done…God Loves You.

Again – Flyleaf


Onward and upwards.

This has been a weird, difficult week for me.

It’s funny to think that, this time last week, I was in the midst of a long weekend, I was getting laundry together, doing grocery shopping, getting clothing and such together to donate.  I felt good.

Tuesday I said good bye to my little fur ball and that has had my heart repeatedly breaking.

Wednesday, a well meaning friend came over with sugar free ice cream and an attempt to distract me from my broken heart.  Problem is, my well meaning friend is a doctor (I’ll call her Dr. M) and her idea of distraction was to go on and on and on about how I am diabetic.  It was like being diagnosed all over again.  “You can’t be angry about this.”  “You need to get over this.”  “It’s just like, I know I can’t eat item X because I will put on weight.”

I may not have been diabetic for long, but gees, not eating a chocolate bar because it will make you fat is not the same thing as having diabetes.  Knowing that there are foods (bananas are one for me) that you shouldn’t eat because it sends your blood sugar doing stupid things – well it’s harder still because it’s not like a banana is junk food.

I’m not sure if I’ll ever shown Dr. M this post, but I need to articulate how she made me feel on Wednesday.

I had my friend walk in the door to offer support, but I had a doctor take over the day.

My feelings of anger and frustration, feelings of shame and fear, feelings of deprivation, were completed discredited.  My feelings were dismissed.  I was told that, while my BG readings were within the “normal” range, “People without diabetes don’t ever have readings like (mine).” Apparently the medical profession has tested the blood glucose of everyone in the world and us diabetics?  Well the range that associations like American Diabetes or Canadian Diabetes have are just to make us feel better?  Because, were I normal, my two hour post meal BG wouldn’t be that high. It’s really comforting to know that I’m not normal.

I am struggling with the emotions and I’m struggling to understand what’s going on in my body and how I can be the one in control, and not be controlled.  I’m struggling with the title diabetic  and the whole diabetic diet.

I’m feeling really lost right now, a little betrayed.  It’s bad enough my body is doing stupid stuff and depression is hanging around like an unwanted STD, but to have my friend dismissing my feelings on top of it?

I don’t recommend being angry always, but I do believe it is part of a normal grieving process, one of which, I was unaware, there is a time limit on.


30 Day Glute Challenge

I was blessed with wonky genetics. I already have a pretty flat butt, but add to it that I have a desk job and it’s just not fair!

This is the first real glute challenge I’ve seen and I appreciate it’s geared to beginners / intermediates using body weight only. Added bonus, the how to pics!

“Remember, don’t expect a miracle……..it can take 6 months to one year of intense training to build those dream Glutes!” I should probably get started now.

Just for the HEALTH of it!

Try this 30 Day Glute Challenge!

30 day squat challenges have become the craze in recent months but squatting alone doesn’t build the best butt possible and can lead to disproportionate leg muscles which is not only unattractive but can cause stress on the knee joints. Bret Contreras aka “The Glute Guy” formulated this 30 day challenge which utilizes a quadicep dominant exercise paired with a hamstring dominant exercise each day to give you the best glute challenge I have found.

* This is a body weight challenge designed for beginner or intermediate fitness levels – you will be sore and see results! If you are advanced or already doing a weight bearing lower body workout, results from this challenge will be limited. Remember, don’t expect a miracle……..it can take 6 months to one year of intense training to build those dream Glutes!

Try it out and let us know…

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I wanted to write something witty.

The truth is, my heart isn’t going to do witty at the moment.

Dealing with the ‘betes has been crappy enough, but prior to my diagnosis, there was another, equally craptacular diagnosis, that I have been living with: my cat has cancer.

Okay, right off the bat I’m going to say I don’t care if you can’t empathize with me.  If you’ve got nothing nice to say, move right along because I’m not interested in hearing why “it’s not the same” as if it were a human.

So my kitteh was diagnosed back in May, almost three months ago.  It was heartbreaking at first, but we grew into an ease of dealing with the issues, preparing meds with food and the myriad of other things that come up when you have someone ill and need to care for them.

We got into a routine.

But kitteh stopped eating so much these past few days, and even though a special trip to the vet’s was made (I wanted pain killers, vet thought otherwise), kitteh just decided enough was enough. After a call to the vet’s today, the decision, made by a vet and a cat, was to put the beastie’s suffering to an end.

So I’ve been at work for the last couple of hours, trying like made to keep my shit together.  I haven’t eaten since breakfast (which, on the bright side, was late).  I can’t think straight.  I just want to go home and pretend that all of the crap that’s happened in the last few months isn’t happening.  That kitteh, dh and I are all happy, healthy, well adjusted and going to live forever.

It really doesn’t matter how old or young you are, saying goodbye to anyone you love, be it human, feline, canine, equine, whatever, seriously sucks and it hurts like mad.  And there is no cream puff in the world that will make me feel better.

 

Tiggies


The good, the bad, and the ugly.

One thing I love about Monday mornings is when they are part of a long weekend.  Today is one of those Mondays.

I woke up to one of my cats pawing at my nose (lately I seem to be wrapping myself up in my duvet as if I were a burrito) wanting me to feed her.  The day, apart from the duty of feeding my cats, was mine to do as I please.

Walking into my kitchen, there are dirty dishes everywhere, the floor needs to be mopped, the cats bowls haven’t been washed out and I’m dealing with another cat that is suffering from an ailment that will not go away.

I sigh.  The day I have no plans for, is quickly slipping from my grasp.

After feeding the cats, I opted for 45 minutes of meditation.  It didn’t quite clear my head of all the clutter, nor did it centre me completely, but it did put into clarity that there is unbalance in my home.

I am not overly fond of cooking.  I like the clean up even less.  Learning how to be creative with food because of the ‘betes is a challenge.  If I was only cooking for me, then I’d learn to suck it up and deal with the pile of dirty dishes etc., but I cook for two, and knowing that my husband is a picky eater with his own current issues, well part of me just wants to go on strike.

But the dishes will still be dirty.  Food will still not be prepared.  The floor still not mopped.

So right now I will drink my coffee, I will settle my unhappy spirit, and will buckle down to get what needs to be done today, done.  I will also pray that the dh’s eyes will be opened to the unbalance that is taking place in our home and that he’ll start lending that helping hand that he used to.

Until then, just call me Super Woman.  🙂

Battered and bruised, I always come out on top.

Battered and bruised, I always come out on top.


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